“This might be weird, but are you that woman...”

From the random stranger I met at a dog park who recognized me.

Aloha,

Yesterday morning, I took Tom, our newly adopted rescue, to a nearby field where I can let him run wild. Another woman’s German Shepherd Malinois mix immediately wanted to play.

We stood there, talking briefly.

Then, as we were getting ready to leave, she looked at me.

“You don’t by any chance have an Instagram account, do you?” she asked.

“Yes,” but I could tell she wasn’t asking to follow me now. She was asking because she already followed me.

“And, this is going to sound weird, but did you give a talk to medical professionals at Sharp Hospital a couple of years ago?”

“I did,” I said, looking at her curiously.

“I was on that talk. I was a therapist with Sharp at the time,” she said. “When you were talking just now about your daughter and your work, I felt like you had to be her. Even when you walked up, I thought you looked familiar and I was trying to place you.”

I laughed, and before we parted ways, she said:

“There were four of us in the room watching your talk that day. Every single one of us, after you were done, were mesmerized. You really impacted us in an unforgettable way.”

When you get that just-right message at just-the-right time…

The first thing I felt walking away was the timing. This isn’t my normal routine with my dog. It’s an every-now-and-again kind of thing. So things had to line up in precisely the right way for us to meet right then and there.

And for her to tell me a message I needed to hear.

Because my book is close to the finish line. Black Sheep Rising comes out Nov 24th, and I’m providing the final edits before it goes to design, layout, and print.

I hired my first W-2 team member and his entire job is focused on the book launch: planning the release party, getting media exposure, figuring out an in-person and virtual book tour, seeking early advance readers and reviewers, and more.

He shared with me a social media carousel he created from the prologue of the book. The exact copy I already wrote, which is about to go out into the world.

And I said, “Nonononono, we can’t post that.”

Because suddenly, it became real.

I began to think of all the feedback I’m going to get for putting my personal life out there in ways I can’t take back. Things about my upbringing, my family. How this would fully cement my role as the black sheep of the family.

That Nonononono was protection. Part of me learned a long time ago what it costs to say the true thing out loud, and that part showed up to keep me safe.

It doesn’t know I’m a grown woman with an editor and a print date. It only knows what it’s protecting me from.

And then this woman. At this time. Telling me that when I shared my experience as an Asian American woman navigating the mental health field, and how providers can be more culturally aware and sensitive, it stuck with her to the point that she recognized me in person.

That meant something.

I am texting my mom right now for photos of our family members.

She follows me on social media. She knows I have a book coming out. I need to provide these images for the publisher to lay out in the book.

The thing is: I love the relationship I have with my parents now and I don’t want to jeopardize it.

But then I think about the podcast The Way Forward, and the episode with Kyle Cease. He shared that the thing you are afraid of is the thing that sets you free.

If you don’t want to say the true thing because you’re afraid it’ll hurt the relationship, that’s exactly why you do it: for the benefit of the relationship.

Doing the hard thing is how you heal, find freedom, and experience what your heart most wants. And it naturally benefits the people you’re most worried about disappointing.

So I need to do this for my family, who are also the people I’m most worried will be upset with me for it.

I don’t know how this book is going to pan out. I do know I need to see it through. Someone somewhere needs to read it, hear it, see themselves in the pages, and know there’s a way through to the other side.

The more real and vulnerable I become, the more I will finally find the thing I have always wanted: connection and belonging.

What are you avoiding doing that is the very thing you need to be doing?

Mahalo,
Judy

P.S. If an answer came to you fast, that’s the pattern showing itself. If you’d like more support, schedule a complimentary call to assess your current pattern now.